Work in progress

So you think you want to be a submissive? Here’s a few questions and thoughts which might help you decide. Trust me, this is just scratching the surface of the complex world of a submissive. Are you strong? Not physically, but emotionally? Are you strong enough to put another person’s needs before your own? To […]

via So you think you want to be a submissive — Anarie Brad

As I begin this journey, I came across many posts that were helpful, however, this one brought me think about my last post. I was thinking that I no longer wanted to be His babygirl because of being punished. I understood now that with this type of relationship communication and how you address Him makes a difference than if it was a vanilla relationship. Fast forward, I’m now trying to understand my Daddy. He made a promise to do something for me. Something I didn’t ask to be done, but nonetheless grateful he wanted to do it. As of today, He did not do what he promised and I feel disappointed and frustrated. As I look deeper within myself, I also see that not only is my disappointment and frustration form him breaking His promise, it’s more so geared at myself. Angry I fell for Him and trusted blindly. Frustrated for having to wait patiently for Him to want to see me. Frustrated for being new to all this and not knowing what to do. The only time He responded to me yesterday was after I sent a picture and told me He had family stuff that came up as to why I didn’t hear from Him. I feel like since this is supposed to be a TPE, it’s His duty to do everything. I was not given any instructions. I feel lost and abandoned by Him. I don’t think this is how Daddies treat their baby girls.

This post will surely aid in my journaling, I’ve  found a sense of freedom in this journey and hope that if this Daddy is not good for me, I find one that will be good and guide me.

Pissed off

Today I seriously thought about walking away. Away from my Daddy away from it all. Daddy texted me This afternoon and when I’m at work, I keep my phone on vibrate as to not disturb others around me. Courteous right? So since I’ve been planning my aunts funeral as she didn’t have any children and is divorced, it’s up to me as the only girl that lives nearby. Plus she’s my godmother so it’s my duty. The funeral is being held in another state which means I have to take off from work.

Trying to finalize accounts before I leave, occasionally I’m away from my desk not to mention bathroom breaks periodically as I drink a lot of water or try to. When I checked my phone I noticed I had two texts. One form him saying “hello babygirl ” and the other saying, “answer your Daddy”. I quickly texted back saying “sorry  Daddy but I was away form my desk for a few and it took longer than I expected. Well that landed me a 3 day no contact punishment because I responded 22 minutes later.

Naturally being the brat I am, I told him that it was unfair because my late response  was not of my doing. That added another day because he said he didn’t care. And since I kept talking, which I was only saying ” yes sir, I accept the punishment and will patiently wait for him to contact me.” That got me 6 days of no contact.

I’m hurt because through this process he’s been supportive making sure that I was getting my rest and eating with all of what was going on. We had actually gotten to the place where He told me that I’ve been very good lately and he wanted to something small for me and pay this months phone bill.

I don’t know what kind of mood He was in but it must have not been a good one because usually He never pressures me to answer Him unless we are sending texts during a conversation. And that’s been a good while since that’s happened.

Very confused and still feel I was punished for no reason. It doesn’t help matters that we still haven’t seen each other.

Strength

This is definitely u!!! She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming, and she sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she’s happy and laughs when she’s afraid. Her love is unconditional. There’s only one thing wrong with her. She forgets what she’s worth!

Overthinking

My morning started  as usual with a cup of coffee. On this day I use it to energize me to make it through my workout session with my trainer. I was hoping that would settle my mind and relax me. I heard from my Daddy this morning with usual this morning text. I was surprised since he’s been working nights he was up so early. after responding to him and mentioning he was up early, he find me he was on his way to work. Feeling restless as usual and don’t want to sit still at home with my own thoughts, I receive a text from a friend saying she’s bar tending and to come through. What better way to quiet my thoughts about when I’ll soon meet my Daddy than having a few drinks.

 

The submissive’s gift

Comforting words for a newbie like myself

Tall, Dark and Dominant

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In an email a reader sent to me, she asked me if the trust a Dominant puts into a submissive is greater or just as great than the submissive’s trust when they give over their body.

It’s an interesting question but it was one I didn’t need to mull over. It was one that I wanted to write about here, because it’s a topic I feel worthy of rambling about. When the submissive gives over her body, I think they are putting themselves outside of their comfort zone – way way out there into the depths where they will be without a torch until their Dominant arrives. They are putting their life in the hands of the Dominant and hoping that he/she will guide them safely through the journey.

Just think about everything you have experienced or want to experience and then think about the trust that this submissive is…

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